Saturday, August 29, 2009















Trent - Former Weinershnitzle Employee Turned Camp Counselor

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to my new column, “Nice To Meet Ya”. It’s about random
people I meet at coffee shops, Jiffy Lube, Runyon Canyon, comedy
shows, Planned Parenthood, the gas station on Fairfax and Sunset,
etc.

What’s so effin interesting about that? Well, I don’t know ....lets
just see ok? God damn it – take off your cynical glasses and put on
a monocle. Way to go three eyes!

Ok.

This summer I accompanied a very cool kid with autism to a summer
camp in Brentwood, CA for a month. Lets call the kid, Smooth (ladies
love him). The camp was very clean, safe, and PC– seriously– I have
nothing even remotely crazy to write about this place. The wildest
thing there was a Jumbo Bounce shaped like an elephant. Smooth
and I jumped in it everyday, while he acted out scenes from
FINDING NEMO, I’d pretend we were just eaten by an elephant.

The camp, of course, had camp counselors. Most of them were
college boys. I’d have these pseudo conversations with them
realizing we had nothing in common AT ALL, then I’d fantasize
about dating them and bossing them around in the bedroom.
Now I know what’s it’s like for older men who date younger chicks.

Uninspiring and sex-o-licious!

But, I have to hand it to Trent, a very cool 20 year old counselor who
taught the “music and motion” class. Smooth loved Trent’s class and
that’s why I decided to interview him. He’d have puppet shows, drum
dances and random screaming sessions– I’d sit and watch Smooth
watch Trent, he has a sense of self-awareness about him and
Smooth always pegs people who have “it”.

Trent and I would play basketball in the morning before the cutey
campers would arrive. He’s about a foot taller than me and I’d still
manage to destroy his manliness with my three pointers and behind
the back-crossover-double pump-lay ups.

When I asked him if I could interview him he said, “Sure!”

Here we go now. The Interview:

Me: Thank you for letting me interview you.

Him: No problem.

Me: Where are you from?

Him: I grew up all over Utah, Nevada, California, Florida – we were
like gypsies. We were poor and bounced around to different family
members.

Me: Wow. Way to go, man. What made you decide to be a camp counselor?

Him: It’s better than working on a booze cruise, I worked on one
once and it was the worst job ever.

Me: Maybe next time you should work on a boobs cruise. (Beat)
Where else have you worked?

Him: I’ve been a cab dispatcher, a shoe salesmen…I worked at
Wienerschnitzel.

Me: Wienerschnitzel -that word is so fun. Did anything crazy happen there?

Him: No, not at Wienerschnitzel. But, when I was a shoe salesman, old
women would proposition me all the time. This one old lady threw
herself on the desk and got in my face and asked me when I got off
work. She wanted it.

Me: Did you tag it after you clocked out?

Him: No. But, when a woman would “offer herself to me” I’d
think about it every time. I never did. I’m too much of a wuss.

Me: Do you have a girlfriend now?

Him: No, I dumped her. She was too clingy.

Me: Yeah, get rid of that bitch.

Him: She’s actually really nice and we are still friends.

Me: Ok. Ummm. When we first met, were you intimidated by
my sweet basketball moves?

Him: Yes, very much. You are a fast little package. You’re like the
human version of a can of red bull. You make me feel inadequate.

Me: Some other guy just told me that! Are you intimidated by
confident women?

Him: No, I have four sisters so I learned at an early age about lady
smack downs.

Me: So, what’s up with this camp? It seems so nice and normal.
Where’s the drama around here?

Him: I don’t know…some people hook up I guess, but I’m not into any of that.

Me: Nice. Do you party a lot?

Him: No. Not really, I’m pretty focused on my goals.

Me: Well, Smooth really likes you. He sat through your entire puppet show.

Him: That’s awesome. I’m happy he liked it. He’s a fascinating kid.

Me: Yeah, he has good taste. So… you wanna be an actor (discussed
this in previous conversation). Film and TV or stage?

Him: Definitely stage. I think, as an actor, you get to grow with the
character more, and there is fulfillment with stage acting. With TV
and Film you get recognition but I don’t want recognition. I want
fulfillment.

Me: I want recognition, but appreciate your take on acting.

Me: Ok. Well – any words of wisdom to close out the interview?

Him: LEGALIZE IT!

Me: Oh yeah. Weed! Ok. Got it! Legalize it. I will let the people know.

The End.

Ok. That’s it. The interview is over. I wonder if anyone thinks this
is interesting. Who cares.

Watch the video, it's super short.

Peace,
Amber Tozer


video

3 comments:

  1. I love Wienerschnitzel and I love the video. Are you teaching basketball lessons anywhere?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your sweet moves. And your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  3. the video is the shizzle..still got them moves. and umm yeah..legalize it...what was he talking about... gay marriage?

    ReplyDelete