Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Sonia - Owner of Irv's Burgers and knows secrets about living a life.

Hi Turkey Master Basters,

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all are wearing sweaters, being thankful, and turning any family related suppressed rage into a stuff-your-face-till-you-pass-out-then-pray-you-crap-it-out-the-next-day type of activity. Seriously you guys don’t mess around this holiday season, dump your problems right out of your butt and get on with your life.

So this is the second installment of NICE TO MEET YA, a new blog where I interview someone I meet on planet Earth while I’m out and about pretending to be a human (I’m just a nervous system covered up by a tomboy body and clothes from Old Navy).

The lucky star of this NICE TO MEET YA segment is Sonia, a hamburger stand owner from South Korea. I met Sonia a few years ago at her place in West Hollywood, Irv’s Burgers. My friend was raving about it - not in the rave way where you wave a glow stick around like a drowning victim, take ecstasy, get all horned out and rub your body parts on other people’s body parts and hate yourself the next day. It was in that, “OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO GO TO IRV’S” rave way. I like saying the words “rave” and “way” in the same sentence. Do you? If so, lets go on an Internet date and judge each other. If not, you are probably really great at math – good for you!

Moving on. At Irv’s you walk up to the counter where Sonia greets you with a big smile and a genuine “Aahhh! How you doin? You look nice!” Then, she’ll crack a joke and before you even get the chance to laugh – she’s already laughing really loud at her own quick quip. You’ll start to giggle, she’ll giggle louder, and within seconds it feels like you’re at a bong-hit slumber party. Next, you order food and it’s delivered on a paper plate with “Just for you!” written on the side and a cute little picture she draws. She’s a personalizing genius, she could figure out how to sell a hole to an ass . What? Now look at some food!

Chicken and Rice Bowl with Sonia's signature doodles.

The more you go to Irv’s, the more Sonia becomes a real friend. A couple years ago when I was upset over a dumb boy, she spoon fed me chicken and rice. While I sobbed she rubbed my back, fed me, and told me how great I was. It worked. I felt better, got my confidence back, and started dating some other loser a few days later (she can’t cure stupidity, but she can make you feel nice).

It’s Sonia’s personality that has made Irv's semi-famous. The food is good, but she’s fascinating. She’s gotten a lot of press and has a crap load of regulars including Daryl Hall from Holland and Oats, Jerry Cantral from Alice in Chains and Drew Barrymore from Hollywood/Showbiz. Are you impressed? If you aren’t, maybe you need to know that Daryl probably has a penis, Jerry loves french fries with tarter sauce, and Drew still has a lisp. How do you feel now? Think about it.

I sat down with Sonia and asked her how she stays so slap happy all of the time. Here’s a mini Q & A (Her accent is as thick as my ripped quads).

Me: Sonia! Thanks for chatting with me. I need to ask you something. You are always so happy, how do you do it?

Her: Haha! Oh.. I don’t know. I just need to be nice to the customers. I learned that if I am happy and nice to people, I can see them get happy. I learned how to work with people and it feels good if I see them get happy.

Me: What do you do when you get a grouchy customer?

Her: I try not to get on their nerves. You can tell by someone’s face if they are a happy person or not. You can see it on their face. I stay calm and take their order.

Me: Yeah. Good idea. Jerks are easy to spot by their weirdo faces and they usually get annoyed with happy people.

Her: Haha! Yeah, they have stupid face.

Me: What do you do when you get upset? How do you get over it?

Her: I let it go as soon as I can. I don’t keep it in and I move on.

Me: See! That’s it. That's where I go wrong. Sometimes I like to sit and stew in the problem. I'll marinate in the negativity, until I get so uncomfortable that I'm forced to get over it or I'll die. You're way seems a lot easier.

Sonia: (Silent with a smile).

Me: Alright. Well. Sonia, you are great and I know a lot of people love you because you make them happy.

Sonia: Ahhhh! Amber, I love you too! Hahahahaha! Hahahaha!

End of Q & A chunk.

Her philosophy on life is simple, cliché-ish “Let it go, move on, be happy”. I wanted it to be way more complicated. I wanted her to have some dramatic story that she told in an over analytical way as tears streamed down her face. That’s the recovering alcoholic in me “Tell me what a horrible person you used to be, how you fixed yourself, and please cry right now. Thanks. Bye”.

I'm done writing. Go see Sonia at Irv's Burgers on the corner of Santa Monica Blvd. and Sweetzer in West Hollywood, CA.

Below is a weirdo video. Watch it!

Ok. Bye bye.